Julie and I have just about finished organising our trip to the US in a few months. There is a lot more work involved than what I thought. So many decisions to make.

Which brings me to today’s article.

Yes! It’s that time of year again.

“Married At First Sight” has hit our screens.

It definitely gives ideas on what doesn’t work.

This is a reality show with three “experts” pairing single people who they think are a good match. The first time they meet is at the wedding ceremony.

And it’s so easy to see why many of these people are unable to get long term partners.

They are sooo insecure.

The experts interviewed one guy who was in an on-off relationship with his girlfriend. They have a child together and are separated. Apparently, the relationship was toxic and the guy said he wanted out and wanted a long term relationship with someone who would love him.

Sounds good.

Although the last five words explain he wants to GET love. This is not what a good relationship is based on!

He was paired with a lovely lady.

A couple of weeks into their “wedding”, they had to do an exercise where the guy rated all the other women in the experiment from 1 to 10 on looks. He rated his wife equal fourth. 

Oops. That’s how you impress someone!

Then, whilst out in the hallway, he received a call from his ex. He came in all upset and told his wife that he really loved his ex.

WTF!

Why couldn’t he have worked that out before he got on the show and emotionally hurt his “wife”?

This behaviour is common.

People fail to deal with the last relationship before jumping into the next one.

So, why does it happen?

Why would he want to go back to a toxic relationship that is off and then on again on a regular basis?

He must see his ex as attractive and satisfies many of his needs – when they are together and it is ‘working’!

Second, that is the relationship he feels he deserves. He obviously loves the drama. I would guess his other relationships have also been toxic.

If so, he has a pattern happening.

And what he knows and is comfortable with is better than the unknown of his new bride (who will possibly take him out of his comfort zone). And what if this one doesn’t work?

If this guy’s parents were in a toxic relationship, this is all he knows relating to relationships so will most likely attract the same into his life.

Third, he has a child with his ex and obviously wants to be a part of his or her life. This is not a good reason to be in a relationship that is toxic and unpredictable. And think of what their child learns from having unhappy parents?

Moral to all this: If something is not working for you and it has occurred twice or more, you have a pattern developing.

To break the pattern, (i) identify what is causing it – why you feel that is all you are ‘worthy’ of – from my example, why does this guy want to be in a toxic on/off relationship?; (ii) make a list of your Ideal state or experience – for this guy, what his ideal relationship looks like; and (iii) then make a list of why you are worthy of enjoying that experience – for example, “I enjoy the best relationship because …” and have at least five compelling reasons.

You’ve got this.

Good luck.