Three examples:

1. If we are out having coffee and my phone pings to inform me of an incoming message. I start texting the person back and 5 minutes later, I’m still texting. What’s the message I’m sending you?

“I am not interested in you; my texting is more important and interesting than you.” 

2. I subscribe to a Google search where people can put up on a site what type of therapist they are looking for. For the therapist to gain access to the person, they therapist pays a small fee. In some cases, the person, when called, does not answer their phone so I leave a message that says to call me back.

I seldom hear from them.

What’s the message  they are sending me? 

“I am not interested in you; I don’t respect you, your time or care about you. I have no interest in speaking with you.” 

3. Your partner messes up (again) and says they are sorry for the umpteenth time. For example, they constantly forget to put the garbage out. After you remind them, they say “Sorry” and do it. By this time, you have possibly become frustrated at having to constantly remind them!

Another good example is people who are constantly late.

What’s the message they are sending you?

 “I am not interested in what you want; I don’t respect you or care about what you want; I am only going to do what I want to do.”

In all three cases, this may not be the message the person wants to convey.

However, it is the message they are sending that is being picked up.

Always be aware of the message you want people to pick up and create the appropriate action.

Show the person you are having coffee with they are more important than the message on your phone. If it’s an important call, excuse yourself and take it and even call them back later.

If you want to make an appointment with a professional, give the courtesy of returning the phone call. If you make an appointment and can’t make it (or don’t want to attend), call them and tell them so they can put someone in that spot.

If you say you are going to do something, make sure you do it. Put the bins out. Turn up early. People will accept “sorry” once. After that, it loses its value.

You’ve got this.

Make good things happen.