Oops! That Won’t Work …

I am always looking for ways to help you get the most from your life. 

Here’s a great example.

I have been watching a television reality show “Married At First Sight”  where relationship “experts” pair people up and the first time they meet is at the altar.

Most of these people cannot make a relationship work … and it is so easy to see why.

The show gives me some great examples to use to help people make sure they get things right.

For example, Jesse and Claire. Jesse has been cheated on before the show so is suspicious. He is very controlling (helps him stay in control).

Things were going terribly with them. Claire went out to a bar one night with some of the other married guys from the show. She ended up kissing one of the other husbands.

Initially, they both denied it.

As Claire’s feelings for Jesse grew, she confessed to Jesse what she had done.

Jesse took it badly and wanted the relationship to end.

Claire was most apologetic and remorseful.

A number of things come from this …

         * Be honest up front. Lying creates mistrust.

         * I often consult with a couple where one has had an affair. One of the ways to see if this can be healed is whether the perpetrator is sorry and truly remorseful. If they are not, there’s a great chance it will happen again.

         * Claire went to Jesse and fessed up. This shows she is taking ownership and is prepared to wear the consequences. When a person fails to fess up and their partner finds out, they then say they are “sorry”. They are only sorry they got caught! 

         * Jesse was forgetting how badly he had treated Claire before this incident. One of the questions I ask couples is “In what way have you contributed to this incident?” And in most cases (not all), both people contribute to it. 

If a person says they have no part in the relationship failing and it is obvious their behaviour has contributed to it, denial is going to stop things from working in the future.

         * Claire is wooing Jesse back by taking him on a “date” of doing the things he loves – playing squash and playing his guitar. He was suitably impressed. This is all fine, except …

         * It’s not dealing with why the problem occurred in the first place.

         * Jesse feels very insecure and his walls go up very quickly to protect himself. When in protection mode, he is living in fear. This will stop him – and has done so from day one because he has been hurt in the past – from giving, and even receiving, true love. 

If you are filled with fear, you will not be filled with love!

         * Sometimes the best lessons are learnt from adversity. Claire can now see how this has emotionally affected Jesse and should not make the same mistake again. If she does, this is a reflection on who she is as a person.

It is so important to sort yourself out so you are not reacting to what others say or do. This also helps you to deal with conflict. If Jesse was feeling secure within himself, he would see how the bad decision Claire made was affecting her and he would give her a chance to show she has a learnt a BIG lesson that can serve her for life.

If he was feeling secure, he would also know that he can’t be emotionally hurt as he controls how he feels (as outlined in my Live Your Life Potential Program)  . This allows him to then love unconditionally.

You’ve got this …