I often receive a call from someone who says: “I have been told to come and see you to get some anger management.”
Have you noticed there are more and more people displaying this emotion?
This may be in a relationship and the anger can lead to violence. It may be seeking revenge in some way – like in France where a policeman shot a young man and people have reacted violently to it. It may be road rage or young people breaking into houses and physically harming the occupants.
Anger is an emotion that occurs when things don’t work out for us, when we don’t get our own way.
This anger can be directed at yourself, others, an event or an innate object.
For example, it can occur when you are hitting a nail into timber and the nail keeps bending. You can end up hitting the nail so hard in anger it breaks the wood.
It’s a real concern more and more people are easily becoming angry.
It doesn’t take much to set a person off.
So, why is this?
When things are not working out for you, you are feeling out of control. This will lead to you feeling angry.
Not wanting to feel out of control, you need to regain control.
And one way of doing this is through getting angry.
When you get angry with someone, you are wanting to control them. You want them to do something or behave in a way that suits you.
This is where violence (extreme anger) is “control”. If you can’t control someone by speaking nicely, you will raise your voice and start using degrading words. When this fails, you become violent to get them to do what you want.
Problem is, when you are angry, you are feeling out of control.
The key to fixing this is not to “manage” the anger, it is to change your mindset, so you don’t get angry and remain calm.
The key to this is remaining in control of how you feel.
You can do this in several ways …
First, monitor your self talk. When you feel the frustration and anger building, talk to yourself using words like “Calm down, relax, chill out, take it easy, I’m in control.”
The moment you think or hear these words, you produce that state.
Second, develop your self-esteem so you no longer react to what others say or do. You decide how you want to feel about an event rather than letting your emotions go wild.
As the Chinese Proverb says …
“You want be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger”.
Start taking control of your life and choose the reaction that is best going to serve you.
You’ve got this.