Relationships contain much emotion. When they are going well, everyone is happy. When things go wrong, one person generally suffers and the consequences can be disastrous.

Clive can relate to what works and what doesn't. He has been rejected more times than he cares to remember. In fact, a therapist once told him he would never be happy and his relationships would never work.

Clive has turned all that around. He has been in a great relationship with Julie for 18 years and it is as good, if not better, today than at the start. (In case you were thinking the start could not have been too good, it was awesome.)

So Clive can explain what works and what doesn't from his own experience and from working with clients for 21 years.

Are both you and your partner totally happy or is there room for improvement?

Most people don't do anything to improve their relationship until there are major problems. This is often too late as one person is often filled with resentment and is keen to have an affair or leave.

If your relationship is important to you, how much time do you spend improving it to make sure it succeeds? If you are like most people, you take it for granted and spend no time developing it. You will be "hoping" it works and it stays as good as your courting days.

Nearly all relationships follow a similar pattern. When you feel attracted to someone, you set out to impress them. If they like you, they will attempt to impress you. If you both like each other, there is a good chance you will get together. This is what I call the Impression Stage and generally lasts a short period of time.

Once impressed, you enter the Commitment Stage followed by the Reality Stage. Once you have been together for some time, you decide it's time to consolidate your relationship. You make a commitment to your partner. This can mean moving in with each other, getting engaged or the ultimate commitment is marriage.

With commitment, you receive another "C" word - complacency. You become complacent as "I have you so I no longer need to impress". Reality sets in as you both resort to the person you were before you met. As you no longer need to impress, all your bad habits return. You no longer pick up after yourself, you spend all your free time with your friends, you are no longer romantic or caring.

As you progress through the Reality Stage (predominantly good with the odd bad), it is easy to focus on what your partner is not doing that you dislike and how they are not satisfying your needs. You soon enter the Resentment Stage where you resent what they are doing. Hang onto resentment long enough and you will become angry. Anger held for some time often results in hatred.

Resentment can be identified by much arguing, no communication, little affection, not spending time with each other and degrading comments. A person in the Resentment Stage will either push to rectify the problems, have an affair (to get their needs met) or will leave the relationship.

Sometimes one person can be in the Resentment Stage telling their partner there are problems. If this partner is in the Reality Stage, they often don't believe there are problems, or, if they do, are not interested in fixing them as they believe the relationship is fine. Result: more conflict with the unhappy partner either having an affair, leaving the relationship or both.

When one or both partners are "angry" for a long time, it is very difficult to repair the relationship as they can accurately predict how they are going to react.

A break-up can be devastating for one or both partners and for the children. It often results in depression and/or suicidal thoughts for the unhappy person.

Relationships can be a success. It is important to learn what it takes to make a relationship magical, what it takes to keep it that way and it is very important to continue to work on it.

To Improve Your Relationship ...

To test how your relationship is travelling, complete the Relationship Quiz. This will give you an idea on which areas need to be improved.

Next, read "Creating A Magical Relationship: A Practical Guide To What Men Want and Women Need". This outlines the key areas that contribute to a relationship being truly "Magical".

If all else fails, consult with a professional who can help you achieve the desired result. The earlier you seek help, the better.